Confessions of a recovering people pleaser

I hit people pleasing breaking 4 years ago. It had been coming for YEARS but I’d always swallowed it up and just kept going with the plans and busyness (distraction for numbing what you’re really feeling or need) that being a mum/colleague/employee/friend/wife brings. My hubby and I had a pretty big row* (*truthbomb arguments happen in happy marriages) and my girls overheard the worst of it which sent me into a HUGE guilt and shame spiral. The spiral was way out of proportion to what occurred but it was the excuse my mind needed to go into hibernation mode. I cancelled all plans (and I was pretty much fully booked) and completely allowed myself to lose my mojo. It was really hard saying no to invitations to socialise especially on my one day off per week (standard procedure was to spend my day off with others even though I really craved time alone), but I was honest about needing time for me and the responses were lovely and far from what I’d feared (that they’d stop liking me or I’d upset them).

My hibernation lasted about a month (alongside work and mum duties) and wasn’t comfortable at first, I remember sobbing whilst singing in my car, and the time I couldn’t even choose what to wear to work so my hubby had to help me. I SLOWED RIGHT DOWN and started doing things that would make me feel better, I did yoga everyday (thanks @adrienelouise), journalled, ran, listened to at least 1 of my favourite albums every day and sang, read Harry Potter books, listened to uplifting podcasts on my commute, tried meditating and watched nature documentaries. Without all of the plans and people pleasing I was able to focus on what I wanted, something that had been at the bottom of my to-do-list for years. During that month I got to know myself so much better and came out of the other side invigorated and with my own self care toolkit (I’d never really believed in self-care before) which I now know is fundamental to me being the best version of myself for me and everyone I love.

Are you putting yourself at the bottom of you to-do-list?
What would you put in your self care tool kit?