This video will slap you in the face...

Aug 15

A video that I watched a few years ago that slapped me in the face and then changed my perspective on a whole load of things was this; ‘Be a Lady They Said’ narrated by Cynthia Nixon. It perfectly sums up in a way that I have never seen before - the double standards that women are faced with. As soon as our gender is revealed we are forced down a route of being what everyone else wants us to be. We are told that our enoughness lies in our ability to be ladylike, be desired by men and by reflecting society’s idea of beauty.

The rules for ‘good’ women

We are told how to act (small) and behave (politely) and what to feel (grateful, don’t want more). What to want (husband, kids) where to live (house with a garden) how to live in that house (have a clean house) and what to do (serve others) and what not to do (don’t be lazy). What to look like (petite, thin, youthful), what to eat (not too much), what to be interested in (diets, gossip) and what to feel about ourselves (not good enough). Our life isn’t really our own, because when we dare to step out of these confines we feel like we’re doing something wrong and convince ourselves that we will be judged or criticised.

You will never actually win

What I think the video highlights so perfectly is that if you try and live your life according to these impossible double standards impaled on you by society YOU WILL NEVER WIN. And playing the game could actually be the cause of your pain. The self-doubt and anxiety over the size of your mummy tummy? Or the depression caused by trying not to rock the boat? Or the shame caused by feeling like a failure because you’re not perfect? These standards fill your head with a whole load of ‘shoulds’ and girl you need to stop listening to and acting on the ‘shoulds’ because you will never ever do everything in accordance with these impossible standards and even if you could there is no prize at the end, other than maybe a life unlived?

The truth about self-worth

None of the statements in the video defines your worth. In fact, no one else and nothing else does. Only you get to define your worth and I urge you to decide that you were born good enough and you’re going to die good enough. Thinking that you are good enough will make your whole life f*cking easier. So get busy doing things that light you up rather than doing things to try and prove your worth to yourself and others. Don’t bother trying to be what society tells you to be. Just try and be the most fully realised version of yourself that you can be.